Toronto was shut down today as the Shriners, in an attempt to out do Pride's parade of epic length (In all fairness, a full one third of it was made up of 'gay' Jews protesting 'gay' not-Jews protesting Israeli apartheid), conducted a five hour long bonanza of fez's, miniature cars and Depends undergarment models marching down University Avenue in 40 degree heat.
I don't know if the Shriners parade was as exciting as Pride was, however, on a sexiness scale, I imaging it was a lot lower. As much as I would have loved to have seen 40,000 octogenarians partying down, beating the heat in leather thongs, jock straps, or nothing but a pair of sneakers... Wait, was I writing about the Shriners or Pride? Either way, childhood memories came flooding back of going to the Shriners Circus in a shopping mall parking lot, crossing lines of Shriners protesting protesters protesting animal cruelty... Maybe the Shriners and the Pride have more in common than I thought.
After a quick search of the Shriners on the internet in an effort to find out something about them and their relevance to modern society (Wikipedia), I gave up because they're too damn boring. Even cross-referencing them with "Shriners + Conspiracy Theories" led to nothing more than implications that their founder was (brace yourself) Muslem or that they're all pedophiles.
(For the record, accusing an organization of institutionalized pedophilia (Except NAMBLA) is as unimaginative as comparing a politician to Hitler. Unless you're comparing Hitler to himself. I wonder if anyone has. I'm sure there's a PhD lurking out there somewhere. E-mail me if you're written it and are reading this. I'd like to interview you.)
I invite someone with more imagination than me to please, please, please come up with a better conspiracy theory about the Shriners. With todays society of scandals and trash, there must be someone with with a website and more spare time than me who wants to take on this challenge.
In other news, Lindsay Lohan is going to jail.
Maybe it's because a Shriner fingered her.
Damn you lazy pedophile jokes!
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